BS11, is doing my head in.

[Karmar]

One of the girls at work suggested I read Dr Christopher Green Beyond Toddlerdom. What do you think.

I read the 'Princess B!tchface Syndrome' when BD went off the rails, that helped, well it showed me that I wasn't imagining things.

[sweety77]

Karmar - sweety if it makes you feel any better it is normal behaviour. 12 isn't much better, in some cases worse.

Definitely read "raising boys" it will help. I have a similar situation my dp isn't bs12 dad (he is bs2's) they clash sometimes and i defend him. The book suggests that it is time that I stepped back and let him become a man and start respecting what dp wants first. Very hard as I raised him alone for so long. The book also suggests that bs12's dad play a larger role but he is not interested - so it falls to dp. Who is very good but not his dad if you know what i mean.

We are currently doing the initiation thing! very good and exciting. Seems to be improving the situation.

I hate transition time for boys.

[His*Mine*Ours]

Originally Posted by Karmar

One of the girls at work suggested I read Dr Christopher Green Beyond Toddlerdom. What do you think.

I have this book. It is a good resource and very practical. I might get it out and see if there are any bits that might relate to this situation.

[Karmar]

Thank you, thank you, thank you to you all. I will tackle him over the weekend and see if I can make some kind of progress.

Big hugs to everyone for their input.

Thank God fo SFZ.

[Julco]

Karmar, my BS is now nearly 19 and is living away from home because I just couldnt cope with his laziness and the mess in his room. I'd have to leave notes explaining everything I wanted him to do...and sometimes he's say he didnt see the note, or didnt understand what I wanted. He'd stay in bed until 11 or 12 if on holidays and not go to bed until 3am or 4am staying up playing on the computer. It didnt seem to matter what I did.....nothing changed. I'd lose my temper, cry, jump up and down, take his computer cords away, disconnect his internet access...nothing seemed to worked. He finally moved out 6 months ago...and we get on so much better now........he came to me a few months ago, hugged me (something BS never does) and thanked me for making him do things like washing, ironing etc as he said that it has really come in handy since moving out. I was gobsmacked, I never thought anything sunk in...but it did. It is frustrating beyond belief.... BS was never overhelpful as a child, but I used to insist that he do his homework and study instead of helping around the house...I know that at the end of the day, it was my fault for not giving him responsibilites from a young age. I always used to make excuses for BS to DH saying that he didnt drink, didnt smoke or do drugs or go out partying so really, the laziness was my only real problem with him. Now he's working part time supporting himself while he is at uni doing a double degree. I couldnt be prouder. I remember those days that I cried out of frustration...and thought I had failed him as a mother, obviously I didnt. I dont have the answers Karmar....all I can say is be kind to yourself, try not to let it upset you...and what Sweety says makes so much sense. At a certain age, boys should'nt be 'mothered' too much or they will grow up expecting it. Good luck mate, this is not an easy time for you or your DH either...and not easy for BS either.

[Sputi]

Hi Karmar.......not much fun but definately normal.

A mum from school had alot of success with the book Raising Boys - she has 3, so that could be a goer

I liked the idea about making him stay in his room until he'd made his bed - it will take alot of persistence. You could also try not doing things for him when he wants you to. Like taking him to a friends or doing his washing...(I don't know - any little thing you would normally do for him) and then calmly explain to him that as he hasnt' felt like helping you with .......... then you don't really feel like helping him with......... and give him the spiel about doing our share.....