Stepfamilies create challenges
Stepfamilies are more complex than first-marriage families because there are fewer norms — those guidelines that tell us how to act in certain roles — plus there are more people involved in family interaction and decision-making.
Stepfamily blending does not happen quickly. It usually takes many months, and the norm is about four years. If teenagers are involved, it may take even longer.
Just because you are combining two families does not mean there will be instant love among stepfamily members. True caring may take years. A more realistic goal may be mutual respect.
While it is important not to ignore the many challenges, it’s also important not to be overcome by them, throw up your hands and walk away. Often people give up too soon — one reason why the divorce rate among remarried couples is higher than first married couples.
While increased complexity is inherent in stepfamily life, having new people and new experiences can be a strength. There are more adults to meet children’s needs, model parental behavior and provide support. As one child said, “You get to love more people, you know.†Of course, there are more people to love the child, as well.
